Finding My Voice through Poetry by Tanya Lord
My son, Noah, was 4 years old when he died from a series of medical errors following a tonsillectomy. What plagued me from the start was the feeling that I had no voice. I spoke but was not listened to. I asked questions that were never answered. I did not know how to navigate a complex healthcare system and I did not know how to partner in my son’s care.
After his death there was such anger around me. Family and friends were focused on blaming the providers that took care of Noah. The level of trust in healthcare was palpable in my family.
For me the anger did not seem to fit with who my son was. I wanted no part of it. Instead I wanted to understand why medical errors happen. I wanted to restore the trust that had been broken.
I went back to school, changed careers to work in healthcare and finally understood that a broken system, not broken people, are at the root of most medical errors. I found my voice…in many ways. One of them was writing poetry, mostly about grief but this poem came to me about the loss of innocence and finding hope again right along side of healthcare.
Finding My Voice Through Poetry
I used to wear glasses
With a rose colored shade
Back then all the hardships
Little attention I paid
Life appeared so rosy
As we lived day to day
Our lives were so happy
Till death came to stay
My rose colored glasses
Clattered loudly to the floor
I looked down, didn't care
Didn't want them any more
Medical mistakes
Adverse events
The words kind of swirled
And didn't make much sense
An innocence was lost
On that fateful day
A trust tragically broken
As I sadly walked away
My heart was in tatters
My tears fell like rain
"What has happened?" I asked
Hoping for someone to explain
My answers came slowly
Through a dense fog of grief
I came to understand
and it strengthened my belief
That the hands that reach out
To help in a time of need
Are attached to human
Who deeply care for each deed
It isn't blame that is needed
To re-build our trust
It is compassion and love
That is truly a must
So let's pick up those glasses
From their forgotten places
Dust them off, mend the cracks
And return them to our faces
The rosiness from the glasses
Hasn't faded one little bit
The love that is shared
Makes them a perfect fit
~Tanya Lord ©2020